Granny passed away this morning. I am sad. I am sad that my Mother is exhausted emotionally and physically. I am sad that Pepa is in so much anguish. I will continue to pray for them.
A few months ago I had a dream. It was a wonderful dream to me. Everyone I tell it to is mortified, but it brought me so much peace. I was dying. I was old. Jason was gone. My children stood at the foot of the bed. I couldn't see their faces, but they were fuzzy images at the end of my bed. A nurse was there to help me. Now I would call that a hospice nurse. I felt terrible. My head was killing me and I was so nauseous. I struggled to sit up a little and took my teeth out (ick!, but with my bad teeth, dentures are a reality in my future). Then I laid back into my pillow. Laying down brought some relief from the nausea. And then it happened. I knew I was dying. This wonderful peace started at the top of my head and slowly crept down my body. I realized what was happening. I knew I was dying and it was wonderful. Wonderful peace and calm. My last conscious thought was to try to make my fingers bend into the "I love you" sign before the peace got to my fingers. I wanted to leave that message for my kids, all grown adults. I don't know if I was successful or not, but I knew peace. Total and complete peace.
It was a wonderful dream to me. My life was complete and I was at peace. When we heard that Granny was going to hospice, I expected something like my dream. But what I didn't think about was Pepa's reaction. He was not ready for Granny to go. Mama says the anguish on his face is so painful to watch. That poor man. She was his world. We are praying now for him. For comfort from this terrible loss. I know Granny is at peace now. I pray for comfort for Pepa.