Tuesday, February 23, 2010

More Thoughts, Skip if You Want :)

I’ve been thinking about the Parable of the Ten Virgins.  When darkness came it was too late for the virgins to prepare and no one could give them oil.  That was the way it was last year for me.  I was, thankfully, ready.  As much as you can be for something like that.   I do the things I know to be true.  I had the oil.  I needed that oil.  Then  was not the time for me to learn to read my scriptures, say my prayers, fast, and go to the temple.  While I was doing those things last year, it was all the previous years that had prepared me for what was to come.  (This is not to say that hard experiences don’t bring us to the Father – they do.  Sometimes we have to be brought low to rise to the heights He sees for us.)  Scenes flash through my mind that still take my breathe away.  I am just so grateful that I already knew.  I already knew God lives and He hears prayers.  I knew He could give me strength to make it through the seconds, the moments, the days ahead.

Now I am trying to fill my lamp again.  I am finding great strength in the Book of Mormon, in the Bible, in my prayers, in the temple.  I have to fill my lamp for the next thing, whatever it may be.  I am trying to find healing.  But there is a part of me that doesn’t want to lose the tenderness of the feelings I have experienced – perhaps some of the rawness, but I don’t want to forget.  I don’t want to forget the pain, the shock, the bewilderment, the feelings that take away my breathe.  I want to remember.

I think part of our mortal journey is (and I pause and hesitant to type this) is to break our hearts.  That in the rebuilding of the broken heart we have choices.  How will we sew it all back together?  Will we choose bitterness (thought about that path, trying so hard to steer clear) or will we allow the Master Healer to take our lives and knit us a new heart – one He wants us to have.  One that is tender and compassionate.  One that is totally devoted to Him and to returning to our Father’s presence.  I’m hoping that is the path I am on.  I hope.

Another cool song:  Healer by Kari Jobe (it’s #2 on the playlist here if you want to listen to it)

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You, I trust in You

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You, Lord I trust in You


I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe

I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need


Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

You’re my healer

3 comments:

Blarney Girl said...

Not that I have ever gone through the same stress, grief and heartache as you have, but I've had my share of others. During one of those times I spoke with my Bishop and he told me something along the lines of what you just said about part of our mortal journey requires that we have to have our hearts broken (broken heart and contrite spirit?). He put it to me this way...

He described it as building a home (spiritual home, not literally the home you live in). With all the great things we do in this life, we build and build and we can get to thinking that the home we are building is pretty darn good and it is good. It's built on the priciples of the Gospel! We're going through this life doing pretty well (all is well in Zion, maybe?) and this home we are building is looking pretty dang good. I mean, this home is like one of those really nice homes you see on DIY channels...we think we're doing pretty good. Well, one day something happens in our life and in the blink of an eye, all the building that we have done gets torn down. Not because it wasn't a nice home, not because it was a bad home....but because it wasn't the one Heavenly Father wanted us to have. I have to say, I got a bit angry and discouraged when my house came tumbling down. Thing was, I was building a 5 bedroom, 5 1/5 bath, 3 car garage house and Heavenly Father wants me to have a mansion (John 14:12). So, through some means or other, He tears down my measley 5 bedroom cottage to help me start building my mansion. Great thing is, I've got a great foundation on which to start building again. Granted, the foundation for a 5 bedroom won't be big enough for this ginormous mansion, but it's a place to start. When my foundation gets bigger I can always add a wing!

(hope all that made sense)

sturpin said...

I love it Dallas. That is so good!

Michelle said...

Thank you Shelly...thank you! These last few months have been some of the most uncertain and darkest we've had. I remember with preslie came and we were adjusting to everything new, all the medical stuff, all the worry, all the change, I just kept running, doing, pressing forward. this time I have felt my feet sinking, my legs heavy and no energy to run any more. I am sure you have had so many moments where you felt the heaviness. Its then I see the friends He gave me to keep me moving forward until He could answer our prayers, until we could see the light again. Thank you for being one of those genuinely good and kind people...an angel on earth to all who know you! Thank you!