Let’s just say I’m tired and not feeling my best. I’ve had a weekend with three SN kiddos and everyone who could help was in Iowa (I sent them, no worries or guilt there – they needed a break). So we understand that the sinus congested, exhausted Mama was not her most patient nor her most loving this morning.
Meanwhile Brother’s cane was missing. Not to be found anywhere – seriously, where could a 37 inch white cane hide? Looked everywhere - twice. Looked in the car – nope. Ugh and again ugh. Well, he’ll have to go to school without it, I thought. Sure, why not? It’s just how he walks – it’s his eyes to not run into things and people. Ugh, again! Gotta find it!
So I gave up and laid my head on the kitchen counter – That feels good, I thought, Can I take a nap here? No!, I reprimand myself, You have got to find the cane!
Ugh! I timidly approach Deity. (head is still on the counter. Did I mention it felt good on my congested sinuses?) I am sorry for how I have behaved. (“Coming Running Like a Prodigal” is playing in the background and I think about the prodigal son for a moment) I think through my morning and the mistakes I have made. I acknowledge that the Holy Ghost doesn’t like to hang out with those who are angry or yucky. I’m sorry. I’ll try harder. But please, if it’s possible, can we find Brother’s cane so he can have it at school? I lift my tired, heavy head from the counter (Did I mention how awesome it felt there?) and again think through the last time I saw it.
We had just come home from church. It was just me and the littles. Brother was having a fit because, well, who really knows? He just was. Joy had taken off for the house. I had to carry Alex into the house in such a way so I wouldn’t get anymore scratches while herding Bella towards the door and holding my church bag and purse. I had made a point of grabbing the cane cause I knew we’d need it for Monday morning and it was supposed to snow over night. I put Alex into the big swing in the play room to calm him down – it’s awesome and does wonders. I pushed him slowly back and forth. Blake gave me Ellie so he could go to work. (After his church he comes over here and waits for me to get home, then runs to work.) At some point in there I put my purse and Primary bag down next to the couch – ,the couch, the thought came, could it be under the couch? It could have rolled under I suppose, I replied. I find the broom and swipe it underneath the couch – and out pops the beautiful white cane! Gratefully, I acknowledge Deity again! Thank you for helping me today, even when I have been so less than I could be. Thank you!
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland declared: “However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made … , or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.”
I didn’t commit any huge sins, but I am the master at feeling guilty about every little thing. And when I feel guilty, I feel unworthy of Heaven’s Help. I am so grateful that He doesn’t ask me to be perfect – just to keep trying. And that He loves my little boy enough to help me find his cane! And me enough to help me!