Thursday, August 06, 2009

The Deed is Done

Today Jessi and Lizzy were registered at Theiss Elementary.  I felt like I was going to vomit the whole time I was there.  Then I asked to speak to the Vice-Principal to let her know about our current family situation and to beg for kind, nurturing teachers for my babies.  You know that voice that people use when they are trying so hard not to bawl their eyes out and still talk at the same time.  Well, that was me.  The VP was very kind and sympathetic.  She reassured me that they will take care of them.  I’m sure they will be fine.  I’m sure their teachers will be good, kind women.  Yet I cried all the way home.

This evening I went for a run.  I have started to run since coming home a month ago (with a week and a half break while I was too sick to breathe).  I need the exercise to fight all this stress.  After six months of sitting in a chair, my training is slow coming, but I’m sticking with it!  I need it.  While running, I thought  about how I like the feeling when I get in the rhythm and my feet seem to spring up as they hit the road.  Then I thought, I should be able to do this because my Dad was a runner and my brother was a runner.  I’m my Father’s daughter, I can do this.  Then I thought about my girls and signing them up for Theiss.  So much of my self-image is wrapped up in being their home schooling mom – and now that is gone.  Everything seems to be falling away.  Another huge chunk of my self-image was working with the youth, and I lost that at the beginning of the year.   Who am I?  What do I do anymore?   Then I thought that I am my Father in Heaven’s daughter and I have worth.  Based on my Parentage alone, I have worth.  I thought of Bella and how even if she never does anything more than just lay in that bed the rest of her life, she has worth.  I love that girl!  She is priceless.  So then I thought, I am my Father’s daughter and even if I’m not the “home schooling mom of the year” or Mother of the Year to any of my 6 babies, I have worth.  I am my Father’s daughter.  I am a child of God.  I don’t know what I’m going to learn this year, but I’m my Father’s daughter, I can do this.


CYNDI said...

I love you Shelly. I am proud of you - for enrolling your girls and for running. So, when was Daddy a runner? I can not imagine it! But, I also would never imagined Daddy on a tractor building a fence with two young chinese children either! I struggle with my worth sometimes as well, it feels like there is no way to measure any form of success or even an identity. I think we all go through the who am I?. And what a good lesson Bella and Heavenly Father are teaching you.

Kathie said...

I agree with Cyndi. I am glad you are taking time to run and think - you need that! I know that you are of worth and maybe the Lord is helping you see yourself seperate from your children - something that is difficult as a stay-at-home mom. Love ya lots and good job!

the3bfgs said...

Just remember this, Shelly: "All things must change, to something new and something strange." (Longfellow)

That's been my mantra most of my life!

Cindy H said...

I hate running, always have. But I am training for a ward RS triathlon. Swimming and biking I do and enjoy, but I am trying to run. I usually end up power walking which feels so much better to my body!